What am I doing that's keeping me from blogging?

I seem to be writing three novels at once.

I seem to be swamped under with uni homework.

I seem to be emerging, just intact, from the school holidays - our first that meant something, now Fred is at kinder rather than childcare. I must admit I was unprepared for how long the two weeks would feel, since term one was so short and the summer holidays passed in a blur of busy, without Fred seeming to miss creche at all. But Fred is a much happier girl now that she's back at kinder. She seems to draw very positive energy from child company, we had a brilliant couple of days after our Easter holiday in Rosebud with our friends who have 2 kids the same age as ours. But she grew bored and restless and it took us a while to twig why, since she was busy every day and of course she has Una and the kids next door. Don't think we kept her holed up at home or anything - Martin took her swimming and to visit grandparents and cousins and we had at least one sleepover where she played with a group of kids as well as four nights away over Easter. But she obviously requires more. I think she's getting to the age where we need to procure child companions for outings. Last night we took her out for dinner after a kinder morning and she was absolutely delightful company. She will be five in just over a week. Part of me wishes we could do what the New Zealander's do and start her in school just after her birthday (such a good system!). In some ways I think she's ready for the intensity, in a way she definitely wasn't at the beginning of the year. Many of her kinder friends are five already, I think it will be an 'old' group in prep next year. Be interesting to see how that pans out.

I seem to have myself a case of blogger's block. I think of posts when I'm out on my walks or driving in the car but when I come home I don't get around to writing them down.

I seem to be immersing myself more in my landscape. My over-the-road neighbour invited me to join her for a walk two Sundays ago and we've been twice since then. But I've also been going on my own. As well as seeing parts of my area I haven't seen before, and making me realise just how beautiful it is out here, it's just nice to be walking again. In the city I used to walk all the time, but it was always to get somewhere. When Fred was a baby I walked kms with the pram. But as Fred got older and wanted to walk more herself, it became impossible to set out on such long walks. And if I went out by myself the window was often too tight to allow for 'slow' travel. Walking just to walk is what I used to do when I was a teenager, taking the dog as an excuse sometimes or just heading out on my own. It's funny how much being a mother of young children is like being a teenager - feeling confined by family, powerless and powerful at the same time, living by someone else's schedule, someone else's routine, not having the freedom to make spontaneous decisions to go catch a movie or eat out.

I seem to be at an absolute loss what to buy Fred for her birthday. She wants another barbie doll - she already has two more than I ever intended buying her (which means she has three total - I always thought she ought to have one). If she loved the barbies she has - investing each one in meaning - I might feel differently, but her desire is more about conforming, about keeping up with the girl next door, about acquisition. Martin thinks I am aiming to high - I do tend to be an over-achiever when it comes to present shopping. When I suggested I buy her clothes she rolled around on the floor moaning in agony about how much she hates clothes - damn! (Though I was completely the same as a kid.) So last year WAS the last year we could buy her practical gifts. I hope I made the most of it, I can't remember what we gave her. Oh yeah, a scooter. Oh well, that earned it's keep anyway.