Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Very uncharacteristic self indulgent whinging post

Weaning Una is a bit like the first trimester of pregnancy except you don't get a new baby at the end of it (you do however get new boobs. Or I live and dream anyway. More compact, less emotional ones). But these are my symptoms:
I'm cranky.
The sound of someone else's baby crying makes me cry.
If I watched tv with ads, they would make me cry. As I don't, then things on you tube make me cry instead.
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius is making me cry. And worry about Fred and Una being left to fend for themselves.
I'm hot (well, everyone in Melbourne is, but I am finding it hard to tolerate. I am particularly uncomfortable in my skin. My skin feels oily and weird).
I have a constant nagging background headache.
I feel oddly disconnected from Una (I know this goes away, Fred actually became more affectionate after I weaned her). But breastfeeding kind of connects you to the newborn stage, it reaches back to pregnancy, where your bodies are physically intertwined. There's so much about the psychology of separation from the mother, but so little written about the psychology of separation from the infant.
I've lost my writing mojo.
I've lost my cooking mojo.
I am incredibly, intensely clucky.
I want to look like I did when I was twenty-one for publicity shots I'm having taken next week. Instead I will look like someone's slightly frumpy mother. Because that is what I am. (ooh, now that was self indulgent).

I am waiting for a sense of freedom and self ownership to kick in. It hasn't yet. I don't suppose weaning means I can go disco dancing at a moment's notice or suddenly fly to Paris. Perhaps when I go and buy my first underwire bra since about July 2002 I will feel more self-ownering. An underwire bra is almost Paris. Isn't it? If it's red.

8 comments:

  1. Una is such a beautiful name. Have you seen Legend? The fairy in Legend is called Una.

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  2. What's with us chicks and crying anyway? I do it ALL THE FREAKIN TIME, and I'm basically happy and fulfilled and haven't yet had the hormonal maelstrom of motherhood.
    And personally, I wouldn't go back to 21. I'm fairly certain I had some bad hair goin' down at that age, as I have had at most ages come to think of it! As I will consider my current hair in years to come no doubt! And no, you're not a 21-year old anymore, but you're not a hard-drinking, late-night hangin' with alkies smoker either! That's gotta count for something! (Not that you were ever really a hard-drinker...far from it in fact. But I had to make 21 sound less glossy. Them 21-year old grapes is mah-ty sah-wah!)
    It'll all be oooookay! Just focus on the red underwire!

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  3. I have seen Legend, though not for a long time. I must get it out again - good excuse.

    I think here was a fairy in Spenser's The Fairie Queen called Una too. I wonder if that's where the Legend writers got it from. We just liked the name, but it does have inherently fairy like qualities I think. (real fairies, not Felicity Wishes type fairies).

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  4. Oh weaning. Down down down down down then up up up up UPPPPPPPPPPP into brilliant happiness again .. whee!!
    I was so low, you know all too late I had well meaning women tell me about wonderful natural remedies to help with the weaning process, do a google search. That was when I started crying in my bookclub. Ahem.

    I got angry. Really really angry. I wanted to drive my car off the road into a wall. Not good. Then I was ***happy*** whee whee free and happy!! Hope your happy bit comes soon. XX

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  5. I'm self-medicating with chocolate and Shirly Valentine.

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  6. Oh weaning - I too hope your happy time comes soon.

    I agree with Zedd, focus on the red underwire!

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  7. I just started reading A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius... the introduction had me laughing out loud, but then the first bit of the novel itself is, well, heartbreaking...

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  8. yeah see, and I'm one of those strange women who seems to be able to wear an underwire bra and breastfeed without any cloggings once initial boob size post birth settles.

    I'm having "breast aversion" at the moment, which is that middle prgnancy wanting to take of my own skin while breastfeeding Zephyr thing. but the bugger won't stop, and i've seen what happens with force weaning my offspring.

    I'm better off curling my toes.

    And I've just spent the afternoon with a 21yr old.
    I never want to be that again.

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