Friday, February 06, 2009

Horror Dream

Last night I dreamed that Fred's eyes sealed shut while she was dreaming, no lashes or lumps, no trace of them, just tightly stretched skin. I had to take a scalpel and cut two slits in her face for her to see. And I did it, deftly, with little emotion, but I did it wrong, one, the left eye, was small and neat and well positioned but the other cut was too centered, and too long. Later I saw her and her eyes were back and shining and blue as ever, but she had a long bloody scar across the bridge of her nose where I had misjudged the cut...

7 comments:

What Kate did next ... said...

Oh, Pen, how AWFUL. Very Coraline. Is it something about wanting to see with her eyes, or wanting her to see with yours, or something - it must be connected to school, mustn't it?

Zedd said...

FULL OOOOOON.....

Ariane said...

Errrggg, has the whole shivers-down-the-spine thing happening.

I would like to know why dreams in which horrible things happen to your kids are the most vivid, coherent and lifelike dreams. It can take days to shake the feelings you wake up with.

Fignatz said...

Hi Penni. I'm using this comment option because my email won't deliver to penni.russon@gmail for some reason. I found your blog via Blogger on the Cast Iron Balcony from Ampersand Duck, and saw the Twitter reference to The Man In The Grey (Gray?) Flannel Suit. Yes it was a great book, and since I lent my copy to someone maybe thirty years ago and never saw it again, I've been trying to find out the author/reference to the quote at the front of the book, which includes the words "Where are they going and what do they carry and why do they hurry so?" - or something like that. Can I beg a huge favour and ask you to email me the quote and author? Or alternatively tell me if it's been re-published?

Hopefully, thanks - Allan Lloyd.
fig@in.com.au

The Scarlet Tree said...

OH how upsetting. I wonder if the underlining meaning has something to do with you worrying about the choices you make on her behalf, like her name, and wonder what ramifications they will have, good or bad, for her life in the long term. She was able to see in the end but, your efforts left a scar?? Just a guess...
That said, I read you blog often and always think that your kids look like free and imaginative little people...congratulations to Fred on her first day and by the way
(I love the name Fred).

Kath, Mark, Ruby and Max. said...

The Scarlet Tree's comments are interesting. What a shocking and traumatising dream though Penni. I'm sure it's connected to the week you've had. It's really hard, really friggin' hard, when you realise you're precious little angel is out there on their own, making choices, seeing things and experiencing the world without protection. Sometimes it's unbearable. But they're tough little nuts and they can do it without us. Mostly. I'm overwhelmed by Ruby's resilience and tolerance and compassion and willingness to keep going and trying and learning new things even when awful things happen to her (like schoolyard bullying). It's remarkable. And every living soul does it. mostly quite well. Fred will be fabulous. I know it. And you will be OK. YOu haven't scarred her Pen, you've loved her and nurtured her and given her guidance. I know you will continue to do that for the rest of your living days. Don't beat yourself up too much. you're a good mum. And Fred is a good kid. She'll be ok and so will you. lots of love to you, kath xxxx

katiecrackernuts said...

Penni,
Popped by your blog to see how you were coping in the fires. Glad to hear you're safe. A strange dream. I keep having dreams about one of mine being conned and tricked. Four nights in a row. I also saw a house yesterday that was in a dream from maybe a year back. It was such a shock to see it.