Thursday, January 03, 2019

Is this the poem?

this is first thought of the poem
of the thought this is first poem
first the poem of this is thought
this first poem is of the thought 
is this the first thought poem of
is thought the first poem of this
of this poem is the thought first
this is the first poem of thought

Bird Embraced

vale Mirka Mora 

She, who was always a bird,
lived here as a member of our family. We held her,
human-sized,
gently around her neck, wanting her to sit with us
as we watched TV, read the Sunday papers, made pictures,
sewed, mixed a cake, dressed and undressed in the brown light. 
These were the main activities of our home.

On the kitchen windowsill there were lemons,
papery garlic, a cup full of paintbrushes. 
Mother looked out, over the sink, to the tops of trees.
The inside light was the colour of the river
seen from underneath.

Sometimes we squabbled, not wanting to take turns,
pulling her between us, begging her to sleep on our beds, 
eat from our bowls, swim in our baths, shadow our footsteps.
We fought over which one of us she loved the best.
She loved us all silently, the quick heat of her heart 
in her fluttering breast.

We never opened the windows. 
We never left a door ajar.

Nevertheless, the parting.
One morning: an early wind rushed in, 
we woke and knew she was gone.
She was in the tree outside, her eye was closed to dream.
All of them, my sisters and brothers,
were in the trees around the house, 
I ran from window to window, 
pressing myself against the glass.

We had lived together for a long time,
and so I thought of her all that day.
The birds called to each other
to love forever and ever.
I told myself I would learn 
to do everything by feel, walking
the inside walls of the house 
with my eyes closed, clicking my tongue like a bat,
trying to sense the edge of shadows,
the rippling of light,
in the dimness of the underneath.

Tuesday, January 01, 2019

Phases

(For Emmett, neƩ Una)

He tells me:
if it’s a phase
it’s one that will shape him
all his days.

What makes a girl?
How do you find 
the end
and the beginning:

The shoulder, the heel,
the crown of the head?

Thirteen years ago
I watched the mirror, 
as frontwards facing,
arms folded like bat wings,
he descended.
Born inside the caul.

it’s a girl, they told me
as if anyone could be certain
about such a thing
unpeeling 
the membrane, 
revealing the face

tipping him into my arms
my body rushing towards him
instinct and adrenaline
love swept me to the floor
in a tide of blood

they stitched me up

but wounds open and close

it’s a boy, he tells me
I ask him:

what makes a boy,
how do you find the end
and the beginning
the shoulder, the heel,
the crown of the head, 
hair cut away 
to reveal a face

Friday, January 05, 2018

Living Dead

Why am I still watching Zombie movies?

1
We’re always surrounded by difficult ideas
vivid and pulsing, the insides of things,
barely concealed by the outsides of things.
It’s nice to know there’s some kind of order:
Follow the rules. Lock the front door.
Keep things tidy. Keep yourself nice.
Have a plan, stay close to home.
That’s what separates us from the monsters.
It’s not what your hair looks like,
it’s the effort you put in each morning,
it’s the time you spent on your hands and knees
scrubbing the blood out of the carpet.

2
It’s not about surviving, it’s about love.
I mean sure, sometimes it seems better
on the other side, the elegance of pure appetite,
the momentum of a single relentless idea.
Sometimes you gaze out the car window,
the engine running, outside the seven-eleven,
and wonder what it’s all for, the instinct for living,
startled by your own pinkness, the flush of mortality,
the sweetness on the palate of the tongue,
the prickling of the skin – heat, cold.
You wonder what it’s like to be dead.
You wonder what it’s like to be alive.

Kristin asked the question.

Wednesday, January 03, 2018

Helicopter

In the middle of night’s
expanding hours,
light sweeps around the room.
I am woken by the sky machine,
dreaming my dream, searching
the river’s dark unconscious
for the shadows of hidden men.

Tuesday, January 02, 2018

Fairy tale

A wound, drawn by hand,
spilling the memory the body forgot,
insides and outsides, all of a one.
She considers her own image,
the book is a mirror.
The crooked scar hums with possibility.
The poem tastes salty, sweet.
Manifest destiny.
Fluctuations in heart rate and breathing,
visceral sensation and so on.
There is a crossing over, a voyage,
and a world beneath the world,
not a retreat but a way of negotiating pain,
negotiating with the Agent of Pain,
who tells her she’s done nothing
to earn her own suffering
and puts her to work
witnessing the suffering of others,
day in, day out, until her jaw aches
from the horror she doesn’t have the language
to expel.

Monday, January 01, 2018

New Year, Alphington

The river runs out of time,
which is the source. 
A memory 
held in the body
not the mind,
the slow ease of pain
always below the surface.
The river is fast
and slow, new
and old.
Light, light,
the dappling of time.
The body is multiple
with surfaces, leaning in
to listen.
Where there is time
there is always music.